If you are like me...living between cultures you've learned to be a "shape-shifter." You most likely can blend into the background and go unnoticed, but you may also find yourself in a more central position, where you are possibly a teacher, adviser or leader in some way. But, you will always be tested, watched, criticized, corrected. I am "tested" all the time, especially by whiteness. Actually, always by white women. Do they know they do this? I am neither "white" enough, smart enough, indigenous enough, ethically responsible enough, properly trained nor educated enough. If you are a white woman reading this, you may already be thinking about how you are "not like that" at all, but there is this discomfort that rises when a woman of color points out whiteness...and sometimes it's yours. Because whiteness was created to hold you UNaccountable to your own behavior. It also gives you a sense of priority, entitlement and the sneaky belief that all your perspectives and opinions should be the default. Why wouldn't they?
It even has you thinking that because you know something just slightly a bit more than the next person, you have "right" to correct them. This is your culture: You believe you are the "right-way." Why question that? It is your duty to go through life being better than the next person, righting what's wrong, getting the certifications to validate this. It's exhausting. Aren't you exhausted? I know I am. I am absolutely tired. Please believe me, when I tell you that I am constantly tested and corrected like this. To exist in your world and culture, I have to be just the right amount of everything to interact with you. To be your friend. To be respected. To be seen. To belong. But I don't want to. Especially if it's lopsided like this.
If it's not whiteness, it's patriarchy.
If it's not patriarchy, it's colonization.
Same, just different guises and levels of extremities.
I am surviving all of these. I will go beyond. Please don't stop me. Don't stop me with your useless and devaluing ideas. Instead, join me. I'd like for you to join me, but come clean. Don't come for me. I will not tolerate this. Do not silence my voice. Do not silence my experiences. I belong. This is my space too.
This is my experience. Do not tell me it's wrong. I detest that. Because if you cannot even let me have this...what's left for me to have?
Welcome to my Virtual Journal. Here you will find #fieldnotes of a Medial Woman. I write unabashedly imperfect, mostly short, even one-line word play. I share story. I share- first, my process. I view my life-living as a grand experiment and I am taking notes, mapping a trail by moments, stories and synchronicities.
I write about...