Winter Repose

I've become like frost. Frozen time. Frozen on the outside, I wither away into a new dimensional pocket. A liminal space of uncertainty and peace. But, inside this warm tomb, life stretches out to thaw.

Here, there are lots of things to tend to. Many things to burn away. Ties to untie, old programs to witness die slowly and become a dwindling smoke. No new replacements just yet. Just being in the emptiness of it all. The emptiness that is silently loud. Begging for me to give up on trying to control the act of listening...deeply.

I grieve.

The versions of myself it took to get here do not have to become severed, wounded, bleached-out, seperate entities lost to the psychic realms. They belong here with me. All of them. They will try integration and then maybe some will retire. Some will transform back into water, ice, frost, frozen, solid. They will thaw come Spring when it is their time to be renewed into new form. Whole stars in the dark backdrop of the night sky.

I shadow work.

My existence becomes intentional. I kiss the reflection in the frozen ice crystals. I love all that has been deemed unloveable. I hang to dry all of the tear-drenched wild truths about why I'm really here and what I'm really doing. I experience the simpleness of it all. Especially when that blanket of ice creates a contrast so great, I see it with my own naked eyes. My irises feel a bit of the scrape of the harsh reality that my ego has did it's best to get me here and keep me alive.

I ache.

This darkness bids on life. It is whats there before the light interupts and adds definition. I dive deep into all the cracks and crevices reclaiming what was lost. Discovering what needed to be found. Remembering what it's like beyond the body, bones and brain. A spirit that is eternal. A soul who knows the way. Always. All ways.

​I change. Again.

"I hope when you come home to yourself there are flowers lining the front porch that were left from all the women you were before." -Maia @maiapoetry